


The Promotion

by witandwaldorf



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe, Co-workers, F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 09:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13479054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witandwaldorf/pseuds/witandwaldorf
Summary: To: Dan HumphreyFrom: Blair WaldorfSubject: Promotion is Mine, HumphreyHumphrey,I can see you even from here polishing off your padfolio and prepping your resume. Might as well preemptively warn you that the promotion is mine. When I get it, I think I’ll be your boss, right? That should be fun :)PS Are we still on for drinks at King Cole?---Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey are Associate Editors at W Magazine. They'd like to think they're enemies but in reality, they spend their days being more friendly than hostile. From fighting over popcorn at the movies to debating where to get lunch, they hardly face real conflict. Until suddenly, they are competing for a promotion and it's no holds barred.Told through emails, chats, and text messages.





	The Promotion

  


**To:** W Magazine Staff

 **From:** Florencia Gianniotti

 **Subject:** New Position Opening

Dear Valued Staff,

I am pleased to announce a new position has opened. W Magazine is currently accepting applications, internal and external, for the position of Senior Features Editor. Applications are due by March 12th. More details regarding the position and its requirements can be found on the company careers page.

Best of luck to those of you who apply.

Florencia

 

 **To:** Dan Humphrey

 **From:** Blair Waldorf

 **Subject:** Promotion is Mine, Humphrey

Humphrey,

I can see you even from here polishing off your padfolio and prepping your resume. Might as well preemptively warn you that the promotion is mine. When I get it, I think I'll be your boss, right? That should be fun :)

PS Are we still on for drinks at King Cole?

 

 **To:** Blair Waldorf

 **From:** Dan Humphrey

 **Subject:** RE: Promotion is Mine, Humphrey

Not at this rate.

Are you so overconfident that you intend to submit your resume as is? I see you already packing up your desk for your move to a private office. Thanks for making this easy for me, Waldorf. I can't wait to be _your_  boss.

PS Actually, scratch that. We are still on for drinks. I am not opposed to encouraging you being overserved and hindered in your work performance tomorrow when you roll in hungover.

 

 **To:** Dan Humphrey

 **From:** Blair Waldorf

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Promotion Is Mine, Humphrey

Ha, try to disadvantage me all you want. I'll win, no matter what. Although, maybe I should let you _think_ you have the upperhand…

* * *

 **DH:**  Hacking my LinkedIn? That's a new low for you

 **BW:**  And what are you referring to?

 **DH:**  "Dan Humphrey:  _Former_  Assistant Editor at W Magazine."

 **BW:**  Oh… That…

 **DH:**  Not even going to try to deny it?

 **BW:**  Maybe don't set your password to something even your cabbage patch kid could crack. "cedric123", really?

 **DH:**  I never should have told you about Cedric

 **BW:**  OR JUST DON'T SET SUCH OBVIOUS PASSWORDS?

 **DH:**  Okay, well can you tell me what you changed the password to? I'd like to fix your "updates" before someone sees like _my boss_

 **BW:**  Wouldn't guessing it be so much more satisfying?

 **DH:**  Not if I'm jobless and unable to even search for new employment opportunities because my former coworker schemed her way into what should have been my job and now doesn't even have the decency to help out a former friend

 **BW:**  Run-on

 **DH:**  Because grammar editing is really what I need right now?

 **DH:**  PASSWORD

 **DH:**  PLEASE

 **BW:**  Maybe if I wasn't your "former friend" I'd give it to you

 **DH:**  Frenemy?

 **BW:**  Nope

 **DH:**  Fine,  _friend_  but only if you give the password

 **BW:**  You're no fun

 **BW:**  But fine

 **BW:**  It's…

 **DH:**  ?

_Blair Waldorf is offline._

**BW:**  Just kidding.

 **BW:**  It's "danhumphreyneedsabetterpassword"

 **DH:**  You're not serious

 **BW:**  I am

 **DH:**  Are that many characters even allowed in a password?

 **BW:**  Apparently

 **DH:**  Well, thank you for finally providing it. Off to go fix the fun mess you left for me

 **BW:** *smiley face*

_Dan Humphrey is offline_

* * *

 

 **To:** Blair Waldorf

 **From:** Dan Humphrey

 **Subject:** Thought You Might Be Interested…

Hey,

Just thought I'd pass along this job opportunity your way, since you know you're after a senior editor position but the current opening will clearly be filled by me. Anyways, Teen Vogue needs a new Accessories Editor. Seems right up your alley, your job will literally be to preach about headbands so I think all you'll need to do is snap a photo of your extensive headwear collection and the job will be yours.

I will miss mocking Epperly's demands with you though. Did I tell you she asked me for a nonfat almond milk latte today? Does she realize there is no such thing as nonfat almond milk? Probably not considering I didn't correct her and proceeded to bring her what she believed to be a nonfat almond milk latte.

PS Lunch at Freemans?

 

 **To:** Dan Humphrey

 **From:** Blair Waldorf

 **Subject:** RE: Thought You Might Be Interested…

So how exactly did you come across that listing for that position? Already starting your job hunt because you know you won't be able to handle me being your boss? I didn't realize you would surrender so easily.

And seriously, Freemans? You really think I'd willingly go to that hipster haven? Lunch at anywhere that flannel shirts and beards are banned sounds great to me. Sushi Ko, Kopitiam, Sauce, or Kiki's will all suit me just fine.

 

 **To:** Blair Waldorf

 **From:** Dan Humphrey

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Thought You Might Be Interested…

Kiki's. But I'm not sharing my tzatziki.

* * *

 **DH:**  We have a problem

 **BW:**  Your hair? I agree, you should book an appointment to get it fixed ASAP.

 **DH:**  *unamused face*

 **DH:**  I guess I will share my news with someone who doesn't immediately insult me before they've even had a chance to hear my intel that might just benefit them.

 **BW:**  Fine, sorry. Go ahead.

_Dan Humphrey has signed off._

 

 **To:**  Dan Humphrey

 **From:**  Blair Waldorf

 **Subject:**  Your Hair

Humphrey, I'm kidding. Your hair looks lovely. I just love those curly tendrils. I'm sorry...

Now dish the dirt.

 

 **DH:**  Ugh, I suppose that so-called apology will do.

 **DH:**  So, while we've been busy trying to ensure one another doesn't get the job, we've totally overlooked the other candidates.

 **BW:**  Who? Don't tell me you're honestly worried about Maisie from Digital? She's too busy taking selfies to even get write a cover letter.

 **DH:**  Not internal. External.

 **BW:**  How do you know who the external candidates are? Spill.

 **DH:**  It pays off having friends in HR.

 **BW:**  I prefer to make enemies, not friends.

 **DH:**  Trust me, I know.

 **DH:**  Anyways

 **DH:**  Harper Grenswick

 **DH:**  She is the Senior Features Editor for a competitor magazine and apparently she's submitted her resume as of yesterday at 6:15 PM.

 **BW:**  But why would she take it? It's a lateral move. What's the incentive?

 **DH:**  Higher pay, she wants W to persuade her to make the move.

 **BW:**  I'll take care of it.

 **DH:**  I smell a scheme brewing.

 **BW:**  Of course you do, I'm not going to let this bitch take our job.

 **DH:**  Our job?

 **BW:**  It rightfully belongs to you or me. No one else.

 **BW:**  I'm off now to scheme. Dorota's breaking out the whiteboard and digging up dirt as we speak.

 **DH:**  Just don't do anything illegal. I don't want to have to come bail you out of jail at 3 AM.

 **BW:**  I'll try not to.

_Blair Waldorf is offline._

 

**Text Message from Dorota Kishlovsky to Blair Waldorf**

Miss Blair, will this work for scheme?

(Photo Message)

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dorota Kishlovsky**

You never let me down Dorota. That is PERFECT.

 

 **To:**  Harper Grenswick

 **From:**  Anonymous

 **Subject:**  An Intriguing Photo Which Poses A Question

Harper,

Please see attached. Is that how you secure all of your jobs?

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen

 

 **To:**  W Magazine

 **From:**  Harper Grenswick

 **Subject:**  Recindication of Application

Dear Hiring Editor,

I regret to inform you I am rescinding my application for the position of Senior Features Editor. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Best,

Harper Grenswick

 

 **BW:**  It's taken care of.

 **DH:**  Oh no, do I even want to know how? Or will that make me an accomplice?

 **BW:**  Can't discuss online. Meet me at the cafe in 5.

_Blair Waldorf is offline._

* * *

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dan Humphrey**

The movie is about to start! Where's my popcorn?

**Text Message from Dan Humphrey to Blair Waldorf**

Your popcorn?

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dan Humphrey**

Hurry up, someone just tried to sit in your seat for the fifth time. Also, why can't people take a hint? If a jacket is covering a seat clearly it's taken. And if I put my purse on the other seat opposite me, obviously I don't want anyone sitting there. Next time, we're renting and watching at your place.

**Text Message from Dan Humphrey to Blair Waldorf**

Thank you for so defiantly warding off any seat stealers. This line finally moved, paying now for my popcorn and then I'll be there.

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dan Humphrey**

*our popcorn

* * *

 **BW:**  Application is in. Now, just waiting on the formal announcement of my new job title.

 **DH:**  Sounds like you got yours in a bit late Waldorf, mine has been in since today at 6 AM.

 **BW:**  This is why you're my nemesis.

 **DH:**  Your nemesis?

 **DH:**  Do you always spend your Sundays cozy at the movie theater with your so-called nemesis?

 **BW:**  You call swatting your hand away from the popcorn cozy?

 **DH:** *shrug*

 **BW:**  Well, may the best candidate win.

 **DH:**  Indeed.

_Dan Humphrey is offline._

* * *

**To:**  W Magazine Staff

 **From:**  Florencia Gianniotti

 **Subject:**  Announcement of New Fashion Editor

Dear Valued Staff,

While many of you are still eager to hear the results of the Senior Features Editor search, we in the meantime have another announcement to make. I am pleased to share that we have a new Fashion Editor. Blair Waldorf, former Associate Editor, is taking over for Kiana Curtis as she is on maternity leave. Congratulations, Ms. Waldorf, the team is very pleased to have your expertise guiding our fashion department.

Florencia

 

 **DH:**  What the fuck

 **BW:**  Why, thank you for the congratulations.

 **DH:**  I am so confused.

 **BW:**  I suppose you would be.

 **DH:**  I thought you wanted the Senior Features Editor spot. I didn't even know that there was an opening for Fashion Editor.

 **BW:**  It was being kept quiet. They only wanted a temporary replacement for Kiana until she comes back from maternity leave.

 **DH:**  But then what will happen to you? I don't see you going back to slumming it as an associate after that.

 **BW:**  I was told I would be allocated another position of equal status.

 **DH:**  The Senior Features Editor?

 **BW:**  No, they need to fill that now. So don't worry Humphrey, it's still yours.

 **DH:**  What makes you so sure I'll get it?

 **BW:**  If they didn't choose you, then I'd clearly be working for a company with an inane hiring department. So obviously that won't be the case.

 **DH:**  Your sudden support of me in that position is astounding me.

 **BW:** *rolling eyes*

 **BW:**  You are really dim sometimes.

 **DH:**  Thanks

 **BW:**  I only pretended to compete with you for it so you would work harder for it. Let's hope that plan pays off.

 **DH:**  Well, first, let's celebrate your promotion before we start worrying about that. Champagne at The Plaza tonight?

 **BW:**  Make it tomorrow night. We should know by then if we will be celebrating both of us.

 **DH:**  Okay but even if I don't get it, we're going.

 **BW:** *clinking glasses*

_Blair Waldorf is offline._

* * *

**To:**  Dan Humphrey

 **From:**  Florencia Gianniotti

 **Subject:**  Senior Features Editor

Mr. Humphrey,

We would like to formally offer you the position of Senior Features Editor. The hiring panel was pleased with both your cover letter and subsequent interviews. We feel you would bring a fresh perspective while making the transition smoothly. Please let us know your decision as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Florencia

 

 **To:**  Blair Waldorf

 **From:**  Dan Humphrey

 **Subject:**  FW: Senior Features Editor

Is this real or did you hack her email to play a prank on me?

\---

**Forwarded Message**

_To: Dan Humphrey_

_From: Florencia Gianniotti_

_Subject: Senior Features Editor_

_Mr. Humphrey,_

_We would like to formally offer you the position of Senior Features Editor. The hiring panel was pleased with both your cover letter and subsequent interviews. We feel you would bring a fresh perspective while making the transition smoothly. Please let us know your decision as soon as possible._

_Sincerely,_

_Florencia_

 

 **BW:**  CONGRATULATIONS!

 **BW:**  PS That's how you congratulate someone of their new job. Not with a "What the fuck"

 **DH:**  *smiley face*

 **BW:**  So it looks like we will be celebrating both of us tomorrow night, after all.

 **DH:**  I'm looking forward to it. 7 PM? I want to stop at home first. I can pick you up from yours afterward.

 **BW:** Sounds good.

 **DH:**  Perfect. It's a date, then.

 **BW:**  Is it?

 **DH:**  Of course, it is.

_Dan Humphrey is offline._

* * *

**Text Message from Dorota Kishlovsky to Blair Waldorf**

Miss Blair! You been hacked!

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dorota Kishlovsky**

What are you talking about Dorota?

 **Text Message from Dorota Kishlovsky to Blair Waldorf**  
Someone hack you and Photoshop you and Brooklyn Boy together in Instagram. See?

(Photo Message)

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dorota Kishlovsky**

Lol. Dorota I haven't been hacked. I posted that.

**Text Message from Dorota Kishlovsky to Blair Waldorf**

But caption has heart emoji? And you practically kissing Brooklyn Boy in it.

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dorota Kishlovsky**

I know, Dorota, I posted it, remember?

**Text Message from Dorota Kishlovsky to Blair Waldorf**

But he's your arch anemone… Pistols at dawn you say.

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dorota Kishlovsky**

Nemesis, not a sea plant Dorota. Anyways, love and hate are easy to confuse.

**Text Message from Dorota Kishlovsky to Blair Waldorf**

Love?! *shocked face*

**Text Message from Blair Waldorf to Dorota Kishlovsky**

Gotta run, Dorota, Dan and I are going to brunch now. Thanks for checking on me *kissy face*


End file.
